Not enough hours in a day!

I have such a dilemma.  My 'to-do' list is SOOO long and full of chores (more than my usual) and even though I seem to be getting to them one-by-one, I still feel as though I can't keep my head above water!!  And the 'dilemma' is the fact that I just don't have the *ENERGY* to get to it all.  It's one of the most frustrating aspects of this illness.  My head and my heart say:  "I have all these desires and wishes and goals and I need to DO them!"   And with that, my body responds "Yeah, right!!  That's not gonna happen!"  <sigh>  It's something I'm used to by now (33 years) but somehow, it's still one of these areas that I find difficult to deal with.  Should I be less ambitious?  How can I still be productive and purposeful within the parameters of a body that does not cooperate?  Just one of the challenges of living life with a chronic condition...one of many.  I guess what I do is simply this:  I take it one-day-at-a-time.  I do what I can do when I can do it.  And when I can't...I don't.  This week, I am preparing for my beautiful granddaughter's first birthday which we are celebrating in my home on Saturday.  Thirty+ people.  Still have some shopping to do and preparing a few little dishes.  Fortunately, everyone's doing something...so it's not all on me.  And then the following day I will be a vendor at a fundraiser for lupus called "Blues On The Bay".  There's always LOTS to do before a craft show or fundraiser like getting pieces in order, polishing up some jewelry, making sure they're priced, getting my business card together (YIKES, something I forgot to put on my 'to-to' list!) and getting it all packed up along with displays & tables & gift bags OH MY!!  My b.p. is going up as we speak.  All I can do is pray for less pain this week and more energy so that I can accomplish AT LEAST the bare minimum of what I hope to accomplish.  Wish me luck?

The Beginning

OK.  Where does one begin?  At the BEGINNING, of course!  So, I'll start by introducing myself.  My name is Judy and I'm a 50 <ahem> year old woman (still getting used to that number), living a wonderful life with my wonderful husband.  Our kids are grown and are living their own wonderful lives, what more could parents ask for?  My life really IS wonderful.  My husband just recently surprised me with a trip to Paris (for my 50th) and prior to that, our daughter had a beautiful baby girl!  And if that weren't enough, our son just made his Broadway debut.  WOW!  So, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!  ON THE OTHER HAND...I'm living with many challenges, due to a chronic illness I've been battling for more than 32 years.  I have Lupus, an inflammatory, autoimmune disease which affects my joints, my skin, my energy & my kidneys.  It can affect any organ in the body and most often affects women, usually in their child-bearing years, (though not limited to).  I was a senior in High School when I was diagnosed and by the time I was a freshman at college, the shit really hit the fan.  I've been on chemotherapy twice (for months at a time) because my regular meds were not enough to combat the "lupus nephritis" which attacked my kidneys.  My REGULAR meds in turn attacked my bones (hips & shoulder, so far) which is why I've had both hips replaced, my first surgery occurring when I was 28 years old.  I could go on.  But my focus is NOT the limitations put forth by my illness, in spite of the fact that let's face it:  My life IS often determined by my Lupus; by how I'm FEELING, by how much energy I have or don't have, by how much PAIN I'm in.  My quest is to accept the reality while striving to be the BEST wife/mother/grandmother/friend/and *beyond* that I can be.  It's the *beyond* that I most struggle with.  And that's what I hope to touch on in the days, weeks and months ahead...to learn how to fulfill my "artist within", this need to create & expand & feel like a productive individual--even within the parameters I've been given.  And so, I've BEGUN!!!